Artistic Struggle

I’ve been thinking of new things to put on paper but I forget everything. I just moved to Ohio which has been causing stress and my depression is coming back in waves. I want to create but I don’t feel motivated or 100% in my own mind. I put one day aside to draw and something happened. Still not content with that aspect of my life. Is that what being an artist is?

Big-ass-lifted-ass-truck week

Daytona hosts plenty of trashy events, but this week topped the charts with truck week. Honestly, I don’t even know what the official title is. In short, people drive their obnoxious lifted, lit up, and most of all loud trucks to Daytona beach from wherever the fuck. 

Many people don’t know this, but Daytona is actually pretty small. Beachside (where almost every event is held) is no more than a small town during off-season. So, take an ungodly amount of trucks, each measuring twice the size of a normal vehicle and stack them on top of eachother in a span of 5 miles. Fuck me, right?  What should have taken me 3 minutes to WALK took me 20 minutes to DRIVE (to the place I get wings after work) so that is where my anger is stemming from. 

All of that aside, I had a pretty lucrative night. 

~shiva 

Tuesday

So, last night was pretty bland.  I’ve been telling myself to works many nights as I can and save as much money as I can for my next big goal. See, it’s still a mystery as to why the job is so exhausting, but here I am taking the night off to relax.  Is it a stripper thing to have to take a R+R break more than once a week?  Maybe I’m lazy.  Other dancers I work with say they do the same thing but I can’t imagine half of the girls I work with soaking in Epsom salt two times a week and doing self-care journal entries as needed.

My next big goal is to save 15,000 to put down on an RV to live in.  When I say it out loud, it sounds even crazier than the idea on ‘paper’.  First, I’ll just live months at a time at parks until I have the hang of it, then I’ll start moving around a little more.  The plan’s obviously still in the very beginning phase but I know that I can make it work somehow.  From here, I just need to force myself to go into work as much as healthily possible.

I think it’s pretty clear that my mind has been scattered today (at least for how little is actually on my plate). I need something exciting to happen at work or in life asap to wake me up in my consciousness. I also need about 12 grand.