Fell Off

I haven’t written in too long. The cold weather in Ohio puts me in a certain mood.  My creative side gets shut down even though I’m spending most of my time inside (whether it be in a bar, work, or my apartment).  I have, however been working more than usual and making bank when I do, for this I credit my forced happy-go-lucky facade.

In the past, I’ve been my real self at work; insecure and grumpy.  I’ve learned that it’s not that difficult to put on a smile and ask about things I have virtually no interest in.  Men are strange creatures.  It’s 100% worth it to put in the extra work both physically and emotionally, “fake it ’till you make it” was something I’ve always preached but never really practiced.  Everyone loves talking about themselves, so if I can provide that outlet I can truly have a symbiotic relationship with my customers. I’m not sure when “divorce season” is, but I have a feeling it’s in the fall because that subject has topped the charts for a while.  I still blank sometimes on what to ask or say to my customers but I don’t think it’s completely my fault. Even being the outgoing, giggly and lewd Jane, I will undoubtedly run into one customer a night who refuses to let me brighten their day. I don’t have the time or energy to deal with this hypothetical individual, so I walk away hopeful for a rich man to fall in love with me.

So, in short, I’ve had a lucrative and enjoyable month. I’ll be posting more blogs soon as I am forcing myself to stay connected.  Thank you all, xoxoxo.

 

-jane.

Artistic Struggle

I’ve been thinking of new things to put on paper but I forget everything. I just moved to Ohio which has been causing stress and my depression is coming back in waves. I want to create but I don’t feel motivated or 100% in my own mind. I put one day aside to draw and something happened. Still not content with that aspect of my life. Is that what being an artist is?

Ohio

I moved back to Ohio two weeks ago. I’m still trying to decide if it’s for the best, as I’ve been saying since I decided to move.

First of all, I almost lost my mind looking for an apartment that I could actually rent. Because I’m a dancer, I have no proof of income. I’m also 22 years old and have very little credit. Almost every person I talked with needs both or a consigner. I’ve completed two applications (costing 70 dollars in total), looked at 6 properties, and I’ve been online looking for weeks.

After all of this work, I found the smallest studio apartment in ohio and I was able to sign the lease a few days ago!! I’m so excited to be able to move in and start working regularly again. I did go into a club I’ve worked at before on Friday and was disappointed in how much I walked out with. Out of the 400 dollars I would have made in VIP rooms, I received 200. Dances are 2 for $40. The club takes 10 per dance… so I made $10 a dance. Despite working my ass off, I walked out with much less than I would have in Daytona. There are other clubs in the area, so it looks like I’ll be club hopping until I find the one.

Hell I might even get a job that doesn’t require me to shave my ass and allows me to show off my intellect.

~Jane

P.s. I changed my name to Jane in some sort of identity crisis.