Artistic Struggle

I’ve been thinking of new things to put on paper but I forget everything. I just moved to Ohio which has been causing stress and my depression is coming back in waves. I want to create but I don’t feel motivated or 100% in my own mind. I put one day aside to draw and something happened. Still not content with that aspect of my life. Is that what being an artist is?

Ohio

I moved back to Ohio two weeks ago. I’m still trying to decide if it’s for the best, as I’ve been saying since I decided to move.

First of all, I almost lost my mind looking for an apartment that I could actually rent. Because I’m a dancer, I have no proof of income. I’m also 22 years old and have very little credit. Almost every person I talked with needs both or a consigner. I’ve completed two applications (costing 70 dollars in total), looked at 6 properties, and I’ve been online looking for weeks.

After all of this work, I found the smallest studio apartment in ohio and I was able to sign the lease a few days ago!! I’m so excited to be able to move in and start working regularly again. I did go into a club I’ve worked at before on Friday and was disappointed in how much I walked out with. Out of the 400 dollars I would have made in VIP rooms, I received 200. Dances are 2 for $40. The club takes 10 per dance… so I made $10 a dance. Despite working my ass off, I walked out with much less than I would have in Daytona. There are other clubs in the area, so it looks like I’ll be club hopping until I find the one.

Hell I might even get a job that doesn’t require me to shave my ass and allows me to show off my intellect.

~Jane

P.s. I changed my name to Jane in some sort of identity crisis.